


In Sickness and In Health

by kissmetommy



Category: newmas - Fandom, newtmas - Fandom, themazerunner
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M, Newmas - Freeform, Themazerunner - Freeform, newtmas - Freeform, thedeathcure, thescorchtrials - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmetommy/pseuds/kissmetommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas knew Newt before everything happened. Before they lost Chuck and before he lost his mind. Then, everything was perfect. If their relationship was an essay they would get 101%. Now, everything sucks and Thomas doesn’t mean that in the "our friend just died and now we don’t know what to do way." He means it in the, "our friend just died and I don’t know if I can face the world without putting a bullet through my skull" way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Sickness and In Health

Thomas knew Newt before everything happened. Before they lost Chuck and before he lost his mind. Then, everything was perfect. If their relationship was an essay they would get 101%. Now, everything sucks and Thomas doesn’t mean that in the "our friend just died and now we don’t know what to do way." He means it in the, "our friend just died and I don’t know if I can face the world without putting a bullet through my skull" way. 

So yeah, things pretty much suck. They live in the city now, and only the passing cars and shouts remind them that they are human. They are supposed to be able to live for something. But, they had nothing but each other. And that should be enough. Except Thomas often wakes up screaming which has drove Newt to drink away the memories. Their suicide notes are pinned to the wall because maybe one say someone will care enough to find them. That say seems too far away and the light in the boy's life eyes have turned off. 

So day after day they lay in the darkness, completely still. The dark room smelling of smoke and death. They don’t even speak to one another, sound probably hasn’t passed either of their lips in weeks. Or was it months? Until today, three years after the death of Chuck. Newt spoke, and it wasn’t a bunch of sentences and paragraphs spilling out into the air all at once. It was only one sentence.   
"Kill me." Newt's voice is hoarse, and his eyes filled with pain. "Kill me you coward. Prove you can do the right thing. Put me out of my misery." Newt was standing now, his hands tucked into fists and his face growing red. 

"Newt, maybe we can-" Thomas spits out, trying to reason with the boy he loves. This wasn’t unusual for Newt to act up like this. He's just angry and upset and so, so messed up. 

"Shut up! Just shut up! Now do it!" His head is in his hands, dark black bags under his eyes, something is growing inside of him. Something dangerous and consuming. 

"I can't." Thomas shakes his head. How could his best friend ask him to do this. How could his boyfriend, the love of his life? Is he trying to destroy Thomas too? 

"Kill me or I'll kill you. Kill me! Do it!" Newt's holding the gun now, the one they had just incase. It really wasn’t supposed to end like this. They were supposed to be happy and loving and they were supposed to recover. 

"Newt..." The gun is in his hands and pressed against his temple, his hands are shaking like crazy and all Thomas wants to do right now is hold them. He just wants to hold the scared boy standing in front of him. He wants so badly to fix this. 

"KILL ME!" Newt screams, it echoes around Thomas' skull, bouncing off of every corner of his mind. Then Newt gets quiet, and falls to his knees. And that's when Thomas knows he has to do something, anything to get Newt to stop screaming. "Please, Tommy, please." 

With his heart falling into a black abyss, Thomas pulled the trigger. The shot rang out, and several car alarms blared. Thomas stood there, staring at the blond haired boy lying on the ground. There were tears streaming down Thomas' face and he realized that this, this right here was their low. They could only come up from here. 

"You didn’t..." Newt whispers, looking down at his hands and his body like he was checking to see if he was actually dead. Thomas almost laughs in his face, but honestly did he think he would shoot him? What kind of boyfriend would he be? 

"Of course I didn’t." Thomas' kneels down next to him, he looks confused and Thomas so badly wants to kiss his face. But he don’t, he cant right now. "We can get through this you know." 

"We went through this with Teresa, we survived didn’t we?" Thomas added. 

"It wasn't this sad, I didn’t trust her that much." Newt shrugs, the tears have stopped but the desperation in his eyes hasn’t faded and this makes Thomas wants to start crying again. But he doesn’t. For Newt. 

He'll stay strong for Newt. 

"Yeah I know that, but you didn’t want her to die did you?" Reaching out to touch his boyfriend's face, he feels like this pain won't end. And that there may only be one way to fix it. 

He'll stay strong for Newt. 

"I dunno." Newt mumbles, and looks into Thomas' eyes. Thomas just shakes his head, laughing at the older boy in front of him. 

"Newt.." He smiles, and for a second there is hope that this horrible moment is over. But as they say, hope breeds eternal misery, because a moment later Newt looks down at his hands. His face charges with about ten different emotions. Then he stands up, tears beginning to stream down his face again. 

"I just, its not just that Chuck, Teresa, and Alby died. It's that it was my fault. Tommy, it was all my fault and I don’t know how to fix it." Newt's chest is quickly moving up and down, he's not breathing slowly enough and if he keeps doing this he is going to faint. 

"Oh Newt, it wasn’t your fault at all. Did you hold the gun and pull the trigger?" Thomas stands up and walks over to Newt, trying to comfort him. He takes the boys smaller hands into his and looks him straight in the eye. He heard that’s what you have to do when you want someone to trust and he needs Newt to trust him right now. 

"Winston. Oh my god. I killed, I killed him. I gave him that gun and he used it. Tommy he used it." Okay, so that bring that up didn’t help much, Thomas clutches his head in his hands. There is so many things going on right now in his head, and he just needs the voices to shut up. He faces Newt, who looks so lost. 

He'll be strong for Newt. 

"Newt listen to me, what happened out there on the field wasn’t your fault. We didn’t have control. We had our orders. There wasn’t a choice." Newt was on the bed now. Their bed. He was wrapped up in purple blanket that he had gotten some time before. Before things sucked.   
"There was always a choice! Don't you understand? Brenda made that choice! She left and she probably isn't so screwed up inside that if feels like she is suffocating. She probably doesn’t feel like she's drowning right now." Newt whispers, ringing his hands. He looks anywhere but at Thomas. He doesn’t want to see Thomas' pain. 

"No, probably not but we don’t know that she made it out. We don’t know that they didn’t find her. We don’t know anything about what happened. But Newt this isn't healthy, no don’t look at me like that. "You need to get better, we need to get better. Together, like always. We can do this together." Thomas sits down on the bed, careful not to get too close, he doesn’t want to make Newt feel uncomfortable right now. But Newt bridges that gap, and Thomas can feel his breath on his lips. 

"Tommy, I need you. I love you." He says under his breath, the blanket has fallen from his shoulders and onto the floor. His cold hands reach up and grasp Thomas' face tightly. 

"I love you" Thomas whispers back, clutching onto this moment with his heart. He tells himself he needs to remember this forever, when things get bad again. 

"Too, you love me too." Newt smiles but then quickly hides it by looking down. He does this often and Thomas always tells him to stop, but Thomas lets it go. 

"No, too implies that I love you in addition to you loving me. Even if you didn’t love me I would still love you unconditionally. Always, okay?" Newt doesn’t respond for a few moments, and Thomas almost apologizes, thinking that it was too much right now and too overwhelming. 

Then Newt responds with, "You're a sap, you know that right?" and Thomas' heart fills with joy. 

"Yeah well you are stuck with me right now. Through sickness and through health." 

Thomas bridges the gap between the two boys mouth, kissing Newt soft lips again and again. Each time they touch it feels like fourth of july, and that’s not even supposed to be a metaphor. Newt shifts his position so he is straddling Thomas, who has to use him arms to prop himself up. They stay like this for a while, whispering and kissing, then things started to get heated. Newt whining a bit and Thomas really doesn’t know what to do because it’s causing feelings down there and he doesn’t know if Newt’s ready. Thomas tries to think about things that won’t turn him on, like dead puppies. Now he’s sad, and now Newt is gasping and Thomas doesn’t know what he’s doing to get this reaction from the older boy. 

“Babe?” Thomas says, except he doesn't because no sounds comes out, and that may or may not be because Newt is doing something with his hips that’s making him-oh god. So now he’s fully hard and there is no way in the world that Newt hasn’t noticed. 

“Babe?” Thomas says, and this time sound actually does come out, and Newt looks him in the eye and maybe that was a mistake because now there is a red faced beauty staring into his soul.

“Yeah?” He hums and Thomas fucking swears he could cum right now, but he doesn’t. Not yet. But if Newt keeps doing that thing with his hips he surely will. 

“I think that if you-if you keep doing that.” Thomas struggles to get the words out, and then Newt smirks and well, Thomas isn’t really proud of this part and he swears that it has never happened before. 

But, he cums. Without being touched and without any skin to skin contact. He looks up at Newt, his face pink with embarrassment. For some reason Thomas expects Newt to be angry with him, but he’s not. Instead he is giggling, and wiggling around on his lap. 

“What are you doing?” Thomas questions, watching the boy in amazement. 

“It’s wet.” Newt scrunches up his nose, and giggles again, looking down at Thomas’ lap. How did Thomas get so lucky?

“I am so sorry, that has never happened before, you were just fucking grinding and you looked so into it and I don’t even know how that happened, I am so sorry.” Thomas apologizes, but Newt isn't even close to mad and he just smiles the whole time Thomas is talking. 

“I took it as a compliment, but now you are sticky.” Newt says cutely, gesturing down at Thomas’ grey sweatpants. 

“I’ll go take a shower.” Thomas grunts, waiting for Newt to get off of his lap, which he does after a few moments. Thomas get’s off the bed and heads for the shower. 

“I’ll join you.” Newt decides, hoping off the bed and taking Thomas’ hand, who leads him into the bathroom. 

Recovery doesn't just start all at once, it takes time and effort. The first step was simply just getting out of bed. Newt started crying the moment his feet touched the ground, and it wasn’t because he had never set foot outside of our room since the deaths. He cried because he was happy, because this time they actually had a purpose of getting out of bed. 

Thomas looked up support groups for grief first, neither of them were ready for one-on-one talking or doing anything without the other. They knew in time they would have to separate, but not now. Just not now. 

Newt wasn’t himself right away, he still drank too much and Thomas woke up screaming but Newt was strong enough to hold Thomas when the dreams ended. And Thomas was strong enough to take the drink away from a very pissed off Newt. So, they were doing okay. For the most part they were okay.   
They were supposed to go to the support group three times a week, and Newt has promised him that by the third meeting he would say something. Thomas didn’t know if he could promise him the same thing. The leader of the group often talked about how he had lost his son, and how he retreated into his room every time someone brought him up. Both Thomas and Newt could relate to this. The boy's name was Nathan, and he was four when he died. There was an accident and he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, the leader blamed himself. Thomas thinks that he would too, if he was in that position.   
When they come back the second the time Newt says that he's already ready to talk, Thomas' stares at him for awhile, wondering how he could be willing to talk about personal matters in front of all these people. But when it comes down to it, Newt always was the more courageous one. He did what he had to do, no questions asked. 

They walk in together, hand in hand. The leader, as always, is the first one sitting down. Everyone else is standing anxiously, some are in conversation and some are too far gone and just stand in the corner. Thomas has to say that if he wasn’t with Newt right now he would be one of the people standing in the corner, soda pop in hand, watching the bubbles rise to the top. And then disappear. He would probably think about how he is exactly like those bubbles, as soon as they get to the stop, they evaporate, and then start again. 

"Does anyone have any words or anything to say, to start us off?" The leader is wearing a button down today, and he looks more put together than he did on Monday, but don’t we all? Thomas doesn’t know why he cant remember his name, and doesn’t know why he feels like he had to micromanage himself. Maybe they should be seeing a therapist, someone who can tell them that their deepest problems are rooted in their mommy issues.   
A voice clears and everyone turns to face the source. Its Newt, Thomas' eyes become incredibly wide because even though Newt had told him he wished to share, he never thought that the older one would do it, despite him being more courageous. 

"My names Newt, and this is my boyfriend Tommy. We recently lost quite a few people important to us. There's Chuck, Winston, Teresa, and Alby. You see most of them are my fault. Tommy and I were in the Army. And when you are in the Army there are certain things you have to do for survival, and for example when Winston got contaminated with a virus, there was only one way to both put him out of his misery and stop the whole team from getting infected too. I had to give him a gun, and then he shot himself. But the thing that keeps me up at night is the question, did I really have to give him that gun? I mean, there was a cure. But it was too far away, and by that time we would have all been dead, or worse. Then Teresa, which was neither of our fault, she just, she saved my Tommy, and even though I didn’t like her, I am thankful for that. And I'm a bit guilty about hating her guts. Alby, he was my best friend before I met Thomas. We practically did everything together and he died saving Chuck, which now seems like a waste since he died minutes later. The thing is that I watched them all die and even if they weren't all my fault its like parts of me died with them. Chuck has been the hardest, I don’t really even think I know why. He was the most innocent in all of this, and he died for something so small and unextrodinary. I think he deserved something more you know? He deserved to be talked about on the news, and I don’t know if that’s extremely twisted or what, but he should've had that."   
"Thomas do you have anything to say?" The leader says after Newts speech. And Thomas remembers his name now, it's Gally.   
"No, not right now no. Maybe just that I am here for Newt when needs me and I always will be." Thomas wrings his hands, because he has so much to say and so little time. He feels like he could fill up the world with the thoughts in his head.   
"Are you saying that you don’t need any one to be there for you?" Gally asks, and Thomas knows that he is trying to get him to open up, but he really isn't ready. Not yet. 

"No, I do. I do need there to be someone. I have Newt. I think I will always have him, at least I hope I do." Thomas blushes and tries not to look at Newt because really this is a horrible time to be discussing real commitment, and even if they do live with each other, that was more of an accident. They were too broken to live by themselves. 

"Tommy, you'll have me for as long as you let me, and maybe even a little longer. Maybe I don’t say it enough but I do love you. So freaking much, and we go through a lot of horrible things and sometimes it feels like love isn't possible. But it is, we are possible and I have faith now that we are going to make it. I do, I really do." Thomas feels like this really is all a movie because the boy he loved did not just say that. There is still pain stitched deep into his heart but it feels like there is thread coming loose and he doesn’t know what to do. 

"Well thank you for sharing, and Thomas I do hope that you will have more to contribute as the sessions go on. Now does anyone else have anything to say?" Gally thanks him by putting his hands together and clapping a single time. Everyone else does this too. Thomas feels a wave of embarrassment because, he doesn’t know any of these people and now they know how in love he is with this boy. With his boy. 

The session goes on for another twenty minutes and then everyone says their goodbyes. Thomas decides that he hates goodbyes, and that from now on he will only say more hopeful parting sayings. Such as: "See you soon" or "I'll be seeing you." 

Yeah, that sounds more happy and not like the end of a drama. They walk home together, hand in hand and even though they are both drowning, for the first time they feel like there is a light house ahead in the water. 

When they get home they both walk straight into their room, and not because they need something that there or because they are tired. They are so used to going from the door to the bedroom, the kitchen to the bedroom. The destination is always the bedroom where they can hide away and not feel guilty for not talking to anyone. 

"We can do this." Newt smiles at Thomas reassuringly. Thomas nods in return. They stand in the middle of the room, not sure of what to do. 

"Do you want to watch Netflix? I am sure there is a lot we need to catch up on." Newt suggests, Thomas returns that question with a look of confusion.

"You really think that’s what we should be doing right now?" He asks, looking at the blond boy fondly. Newt thinks that Thomas' laugh sounds like a   
windchime. 

"It will get our minds off of other things, and if I do need to pull you off the couch and force you to stop watching I have my methods." Newt pulls Thomas in close to him, causing the younger boy to blush and run a hand through his brown hair. 

"Oh really?" He whispers. Their noses are pressed up against each other and Thomas swears he can hear Newt thinking. 

"Mm, now get the popcorn and I'll pick out the first show." Newt says, leaving a soft and sweet kiss on Thomas' lips. 

"Why do you get to pick the first show? That doesn’t seem fair." Thomas pouts, following his boyfriend out of their bedroom. The purple blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

"Uh I get too because you love me and I am the older one." Newt laughs, plopping down on the couch. They've never used to TV before so it takes him a moment to figure it out. They had this apartment before they were sent off to the base, when they were only friends.   
"Fine, salt?" Thomas asks, grabbing the, mostly likely stale popcorn from the cabinet and putting it into the microwave.

"Do you know me at all?" Newt questions him, causing Thomas to roll his eyes.   
"Extra salt it is." 

"Does Supernatural sound good?" Newt asks turning his head around to look at Thomas' reaction. Thomas looks confused at first, which Newt finds irresistibly attractive. 

"Oh, that’s the one about the two guys who road trip a lot and then fall in love right?" Thomas guesses, and really he couldn’t be more wrong, but Newt finds in endearing. 

"Uh kind of. It's about two brothers who fight supernatural creatures." Newt corrects him, Thomas' eyes widen at his obvious mistake, the microwave beeps. 

"Whoops, okay sure that sounds interesting. I got the popcorn." Thomas grabs the bag and empties it into a big metal bowl, making sure to throw a huge amount of salt onto it. 

"Hurry love it's starting." Newt says from the couch. Thomas runs over and nearly trips on the carpet. Its weird they’ve lived here for almost four years and it feels like they’ve just moved in. 

Thomas joins him on the couch, letting the older one place his feet on his lap. Thomas takes a moment to look at his boyfriend, like really take it all in. And that’s when he realizes what he has to do, because, yes this maybe a horrible time. This might all end in tragedy but he knows right at this moment that he cant do this alone. He needs Newt to be at his side at all times, in sickness and in health. 

He's going to propose. Thomas doesn't know how or when but he knows that's what he needs to do. Wants to do. 

"Love, what's wrong?" Newt asks him, noticing that he's slipped off into his own world. Thomas smiles down at his boyfriend. 

"Nothing. I'm just happy, for the first time I'm happy and its scaring me. I love you so fricking much." Thomas tells him, pulling the taller boy towards him. Newt snuggles into his side, fitting awkwardly into his body. 

"I love you, and I also love this show. What episode are we on?" Newt asks, Thomas reaches for the remote. 

"I think we are on the fifth episode. My favorite is Sam, he's really hot." He says, the show is paused, and the boys are sitting intertwined on the couch.   
"Really? I like dean, he's hilarious." Newt counters, gesturing at the screen where Dean Winchester is making a hilarious face. 

"Agree to disagree." Thomas says simply, smiling at his boyfriend. Newt grabs the remote and presses play. 

"Whatever dork." He teases him, bopping him on the nose. 

They stay like that for a few more hours, arguing about with brother is better, but they aren't really fighting. They are passing the time with something that isn't death, and it’s a honest first for them. They finally get to bed when the sun is rising and people start chatting outside their window, they don’t bother moving to the bedroom because right now. In this moment. Everything is perfect, and why ruin that? 

"I need a ring, just a simple one." Thomas says as he approaches the old man behind a glass table. 

"Who is the special lady?" The greying man asks as he searches for a nice looking ring in the display case. 

"It's actually a boy, well a man." Thomas corrects, clearing his voice. The old man looks up, surprised. Looking Thomas up at down he makes a judgement. And Thomas has been the receiver of that look many times, he's been told he doesn’t look gay. And he really wants to answer with, "Oh sorry I forgot my rainbow shirt at home today." But he doesn’t. 

"My apologizes." The man says, and looks back down, now searching for a ring that would fit a man. That’s what you get for making assumptions. 

"His name is Newt." Thomas tells him, he doesn’t care that the man didn’t ask, he just wants to talk about his soon to be husband. 

"Quite an interesting name." The man exclaims, not sounds remotely interested in the name at all. Thomas frowns, not understanding how someone can not find Newt fascinating. 

"It is, he was named after Isaac Newton." He continues, smiling the whole time because honestly just listening to himself talk about Newt is enough. 

"Well, how is this?" The wrinkly man holds up a silver band. Thomas almost starts crying but then thinks that the man would kick him out and this is the only shop within budget. 

"It's perfect." Thomas whispers, reaching out to grab it. He fumbles around with it, imaging what Newt will look like in a tux that isn't designed for death.

"I hope you have a happy marriage." The man smiles tightly at him, and takes the small amount of money from Thomas' hands. 

"Maybe not happy all the time, but we'll be together, and that's what matters." Thomas responds, looking down at his feet. The man just nods and walks away. 

Fucking homophobe. 

Thomas hurries back to their apartment since he left when Newt was sleeping, hoping that he could make it back in time and not have to answer suspicious questions. Newt is sitting on the couch, purple blanket on his lap, Supernatural playing on the TV. He doesn’t look at Thomas as he walks through the door, and he has a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

"Newt are you okay?" Thomas asks, noticing the tears marking his boyfriend's face. Newt doesn’t answer for a few moment and Thomas just stands near the door, waiting. 

"I thought you left." He whispers, too quite, and Thomas can't understand him. 

"What?" Thomas asks him again, walking a few steps closer to the couch. Closer to him. 

"I thought you left me okay? I thought you were gone, I thought that you got scared because things were getting good. I thought you just ran away from us." Newt says in one breath, and there are tears staining his face like ink on a page. Thomas really doesn’t want to go back to where they were before, they had made progress, was that all about to go down the drain? Newt looks boiling mad. 

"No, no. I would never leave you behind. You have to believe me." Thomas can feel the wait of the ring in his pocket, and he has half a heart to go back and return it, because Newt would never say yes. He doesn’t love Thomas like Thomas loves him. 

"Then what were you doing? I need you to tell me what you were doing." Newt is standing now, and Supernatural is paused. The blanket is on the floor.   
"I cant do that, I am really sorry but you need to trust me on this one okay? I can't tell you just yet." Thomas pleads with him, the ring feels hot against his leg. He wants to rip his skin off of his body and hide in the darkness. 

"Are you cheating on me?" Newt's eyebrows furrow, and he looks like he just figured something out. He didn’t, he's wrong. 

"No, shit, Newt you aren't making any sense." Thomas holds his head in his hands, trying not to scream at the beautiful boy in front of him. 

"I'm not making any sense? Do you even hear yourself?" Newt points at him, Thomas strides forward and grabs Newt's pointer finger. 

"I am not cheating on you, nothing bad is happening right now. Things are really, really good and about to get even better. Believe me please." Thomas is still holding Newts finger in his hand, and Newt is just staring at their hands. 

"I don’t think I can, I really want to, I want to so badly. It's not your fault its mine. I've been hurt before Tommy, hurt by so many people. It's my fault." Newt frees himself from Tommy's grasp, turning around and facing the TV. 

"Newt." Thomas tries to reason with him. 

"No listen, you might be cheating on me, or you might have just gone out to get coffee, but you need to tell me what you are doing because I get scared okay? I get scared when I am alone." Newt is shaking and its brings back the memories from weeks ago, Thomas doesn’t want to go back there.   
"Listen to me." Thomas repeats. 

"And I need you to be here with me for a little, and if you cant do that, then well I don’t know. I don’t know what we will do." Newt is shouting now, hands being thrown up in all directions, eyes red and hair messy. 

"Newt!" Thomas screams, the ring buzzing against his jean pocket. He takes a deep breath, and the decides what he needs to do. 

"What? What?" Newt turns around, a moment of silence passes between them. And then Thomas gets down on one knee. 

"Will you marry me?"


End file.
